On September 11, 2011 - this year's 10th anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy - I was informed of the untimely death of the son of a friend I work with at a hospital.  Ian was only 27, far too young for his life to end, and he passed away on September 9. I don't know the cause of death, but it was sudden and the shock to his mother is severe. As you might imagine it would be.

Jackie, the suffering mother, is a normally outgoing person. She's full of enthusiasm and fun,  even when she deals with challenges, problems and the headaches one encounters at a big hospital she usually keeps her sense of humor. She would often ask about my nearly two year old grandson and coo over pictures of him. More than once she expressed her great desire to some day be a grandma. I like her and I like working with her.

Right now it hurts every time I think of the immense suffering she is going through. What do you say or do for someone at a time like this? Well intentioned condolences pale beside her pain.

Jackie has another son who is just two years younger than his brother and he is distraught as well. He started working at the same hospital just a few months ago. It's hard to hear about such tragedy and grief. Harder still when it is someone you know. Hardest if it happens to you.

Some people rail against God under these circumstances. And God is big enough to take it. But I don't think God is insensitive to our suffering; I believe God feels our pain. Certainly Jesus (God the son) did and does. Remember how he wept at the death of Lazarus when he encountered the suffering of Martha and Mary?

Does God ever turn away or leave us alone? I think God is everywhere and so ever near. But perhaps there are times God allows us to feel separated so that we can recognize our need for God. The comfort and support we need comes from this Divine Source. A source that, by the way, works in and through people. 

Today is the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. It's impossible to measure the pain Mary must have felt at the foot of the cross as her son died an excruciating and humiliating death. The Gospel tell us Jesus looked down at his mother and gave John, the beloved disciple to her. And she to him. Maybe that's what I need to remember. That my friend has others who care and we can be there. Just be there. 

Sometimes the best way to help someone grieve is to just be with them.